In the Summer of 2020 I read for a second time “The Peacemaker” by Ken Sande which is the very best book I’ve ever read on conflict management.
I love this book because drama (relational conflict) will come no matter how much we try to avoid it. It isn’t a question of whether or not it will come, it is a question of how you will respond.
The greatest part of Sande’s book is it’s clear process for dealing with conflict.
He uses “the four G’s” to explain this process
- Glorify God
- Get the log out of your own eye
- Gently Restore
- Go and be Reconciled
The beauty of this process is it begins by getting the right perspective (Glorify God) by getting your eyes off the situations pain, and back on the Lord.
Then getting the log out of your own eye means finding the sin you committed, and confessing that not only to God, but to the other individual.
This is followed by “gently restoring” which means to help them become stronger in the relationship.. This may mean giving gentle confrontation or rebuke of sin.
Finally “go and be reconciled” is about making the relationship right with them over time by earning trust again.
the most important thing to understand is we cannot leave the drama undealt with!
The danger is we act as if there isn’t any drama (though there obviously is) and move on without ever dealing with it. This is understandable since nobody likes to deal with unresolved conflict, but the drama will just become worse later!
It is far better to do the hard work of confessing your sin, and restoring the relationship.
Johnhwilburn.org 